So you're telling me if you put a shit load of beautiful hollywood stars in a movie about a "holiday", and release it on said "holiday" that that it will be successful? FUCK YEAH I AM! Guys will get their pseudo "star-laden-fix" when The Expendables comes out, starring every defunct action icon from our youth. BUT FIRST LET'S TALK ABOUT THE LADIES!
I found myself one of the few sausages in a taco-fest this weekend at Valentines Day. It took all types, old broads, young ladies, asians chicks, pregos, you name the type of tang and it was there... mostly without a dude. And all to witness the never ending and always boring conversation about the validity of fucking valentines. The same stupid debate that single people have with hitched couples every year, WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT? This flaming piece of donkey ass does little more than pontificate at nauseam. ultimately doing nothing more than conceding by showing you a bunch of shallow vignettes of stereotypes ranging from dream guys cheating, old folks lying, best friends of the opposite sex being meant for each other, and of course ever woman's favorite, THE GAYS!
I learned very little about what love is from this movie as it slightly dabbled with a "movie love" concept where two people can be dating for two weeks but know... "This is the one." One scene in particular described love as, "something you just fall into... you can't plan for it or expect it, it just happens." FUCK THAT! LOVE IS FUCKING TOUGH! It's an everyday compromise of who you are and what you want to be. It's putting aside your own ego and way of life for the fun times that you can share with another person and the hope that you won't die alone. It's the maturity of forgiveness and the letting go of shit you said you would never stand for. It's opening yourself up to get hurt 100 times before you finally (and hopefully) get it right, only to still be hurt by more insignificant issues. LOVE IS FUCKING TOUGH... and it pains me to see young women (as that is who this movie is catered to) being sold this Disneyland bullshit as a potential reality if they are lucky enough. I learned nothing about love, but I did learn a lot about what women find funny, which I don't get at all!
1) It starts with little kids! Hey here is a 6 year old sitting under a tree, AWE!
Oh, but here is a 7 year old waiting at a bus stop in a little suit! HAHAHA, AWE!
But wait there's more, what about a 10 year old boy giving a 10 year old girl a rose, getting kissed on the cheek, and when his eyes get big, he makes a WHOOZA face! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA, COMEDIC GOLD!!!
IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THEY ARE KIDS DOING STUFF THAT ADULTS DO, GET IT!
Hey lets get a movie with kids teaching a bunch of puppies in a math class, HAHAHA, YEAH CUTENESS!
WHY FUCKING STOP THERE MAN, we can get kids to do real adult type shit like having to pick up their credit card from the bar they drunkingly left it at the night before,YEAH!
Or kids with hemorrhoids sitting with one of those ass donuts, WOOHOO!
The creme de la creme could be kid detectives solving the case of a kid meth head who ODed in the kid state senate building after defiling a kid hooker, DIGGERY DOO DAD DO, IT'S FUNNY CAUSE THEY'RE MOTHER FUCKING KIDS!
They're just smaller versions of people with normal sized heads! This ain't Buster Keaton spinning on a ladder proped up on a moving train, or witty Bill Murray one-liners in bootcamp. IT'S KIDS DOING SHIT, ANY OLD SHIT AT ALL! How the hell is this funny?
Over the next 5 days I'll be adding to the list of non-funny shit that makes girls smile and laugh, use it as a tool gentlemen, use it to your advantage, they out number us so you get enough of the ladies to co-sign on you and you'll be set for life...
just and FYI, females fucking hate me.
No comments:
Post a Comment