Hello... SHH! We're in an elevator for God's sake!

Does anyone talk in elevators?... You only really notice when you're in an elevator that doesn't have muzak (which isn't as bad as people think, Kenny G. and Mikie Bolton never pushed the envelope, but never offended anybody either). I have broken down all of the conversations I've had in my entire life while in an elevator by race and gender of the participants:

Convo #1 (most frequent occurrence)
Race: Whites
Gender: Males
Situation: the elevator is stopping at numerous stops, the conversation participant states, "WOW, GLAD I CAUGHT THE EXPRESS!" I fake laugh, smile or chuckle...
END OF INTERACTION

Convo #2
Race: Whites, Blacks, Latinos
Gender: Males or older Females
Situation: The elevator stops at the stop before yours and you, not paying attention (probably on the phone), start to leave. You sometimes bump into each other or nearly miss bumping into them. You state, "Whoa, sorry 'bout that, wrong floor,". Conversation participant states, "No biggie, happens to me all the time,"...
END OF INTERACTION

Convo #3
Race: Blacks and Latinos (some younger whites)
Gender: Male
Situation: You are on an elevator with some of my fellow colored brothers and a young woman (not necessarily attractive). She usually gets off first, almost as if we are all waiting her out and purposefully missing our stops just to have this interaction. She leaves and someone initiates (place misogynist comment here). Some examples could be, "I'd hit that", "did you see those titties", "spinner", (I heard my grandpa say this once) "check out the yams on that gam!" But sometimes, and believe you me I love these sometimes, it gets downgraded to a simple SMILE and NOD by the guys acknowledging they just saw someone from the opposite sex, and it's always followed by (my favorite part) a laugh!
END OF INTERACTION
Why do we laugh? Most of the time for me it's laughing at the ridiculousness that grown-ass men are simply tickled pink by seeing a girl and acknowledging that we aren't homosexual. Way to go, guys!

Convo #4
Race: Asians
Gender: Both
Situation: You're on an elevator, a person from the land of the Orient gets on. You say hi...
END OF INTERACTION
I've lived in SF and my gf now lives in Koreatown, I have HARLDY EVER been spoken to by people of Asian decent that I didn't already know. One time I got a smirk...

Reoccurring situation, not a conversation
Race: Whites
Gender: Younger Females
Situation: You walk in the elevator and two SWFs are in the midst of a conversation about SOMEONE WHO YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKIN' KNOW. As you're walking in, one says something like, "... and then she said..." at that point they give you a look and remain quiet for the remainder of the trip. As soon as they hit their stop one says, "So anyway..." and they continue their conversation. As if I'm uber-nark or the start of THE MOST ULTIMATE TELEPHONE GAME OF ALL-TIME and what they are saying will somehow get back to the person they're talking shit about. JUST KEEP FUCKIN' TALKING instead of making everyone feel like a ear-hustling-leper.

In short, TRY TALKING TO SOMEONE ON AN ELEVATOR! I know it's a super small and intimate space that you're sharing with someone you don't know! And most of the time you've seen elevators in movies or TV, someone is either fucking in it (The Aerosmith song) or stuck in it (a great Saved By The Bell earthquake episode). So, I get the nervousness, but come on, I can only fervently stare at the numbers counting down for about 5 floors before I WANT TO FUCKIN' SCREAM! "WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?!"
... and my best friend is Asian so I can't be racist...