Hella Proud

Not to minimize how tough it must have been for Anne Frank... but shit ain't easy being a bay area sports fan living in LA... Hiding in plain sight, while keeping my mouth shut as people talk about how the Dodgers are going to run the table or how Kobe will be better than Jordan! When wearing my Giants hat cholos downtown ask if I'm a Giants fan, I frantically tell them, "No I just love gangbangin' so much I had to go out and buy the Seven Four (SF) Hoovers hat!"

In all seriousness, Seven Four hoovers are a pretty legit gang, and have a way higher slugging percentage than the Gigantes.

After seeing my Giants get reamed by the Dodgers last week, and seeing the hopes of just a playoff run kindle and dwindle all in the span of a week... I must say that a bastion of hope still glimmers. This weekend I will be at the San Francisco Saloon amongst other Northerns rooting, hoping, praying that we can sweep this series!

Throughout the entire Annie Frank book I thought to myself, ANNE BABY BAUBE, TAKE OFF THE GOD DAMNED NECKLACE THAT TELLS EVERYONE YOUR JEWISH AND LIVE YO LIFE! But she didn't, she stayed in her attic, ate her stale attic bread, and lived her scary attic life... too proud to say I AM NOT A JEW! Well... I AM A GIANTS FAN! I AM A WARRIORS FAN! I AM A PANTHER FAN... yeah that last one is a leap but the Raiders are owned by the devil and the Niners fans eat fancy cheeses during the game.

I've been scoffed at by angels fans after our world series loss and have had my car window smashed in by Dodger fans after going to a Burrito truck (dodger fans take their baseball and burritos very seriously apparently). But that doesn't stop me from singing the praises of THE FREAK, KUNG-FU PANDA, and GILROY GARLIC FRIES... the later is not a clever player nickname, but it should be!

All in all, I see where little Annie Frank (wait is Frank even a jewish name? shouldn't it be Frankenberg or Frankenstein?) was coming from and respect for her overflows in me like a topped off Anchorsteam, but I will not let the hoards win, I will root for my teams like the Mensch I am, I WILL REPRESENT THE BAY TO THE FULLEST... unless those guys who broke my window show up again, then it's all about Seven Four Hoovers.

Burn Baby Burn!

Ok, I think I fucked myself... So, a bunch of my friends are going to Burning Man this year and said last year was, "FUCKING AMAZING!!!!" I immediately bought my ticket and tried to get my girlfriend one for cheap, but she ended up spending over $300 bones (I spent over $200)! I still felt good about the purchase thinking that it's a hip fun hippie-fest and the ticket price was the worst of it... At this point I now realize, I got BURNED... (muffled chuckle)...get it... see what I did there?... Burn and Burned, contextually different but similar...

1) If this thing is a bunch of drugged up hippies in the desert (which have a special place in my heart for) WHY IS THIS SHIT SO EXPENSIVE?
So far my tally is as such...
$260 (my ticket) +
$360 (my girl's ticket) +
$60 (shitty bike that we'll leave out there) +
$130 (Bike rack that I had to buy for the shitty bike) +
$??? the stuff still pending such as: tape (for the tent), another shitty bike, lights for bike, lights for your person, costumes, and props for said costumes, food, water, and especially drugs... All in all buying this shit isn't the biggest problem, it's the time spent driving around the city and scouring Craigslist that pisses me off the most!
Not to mention I have to call in sick for 3 days of work just to have the pleasure of baking in the hot sun and being caked with sand... oh, and I forgot to mention that I'm a chubby fuck! So I'ma be that fat guy in the sweaty see-through white shirt! (I keep it on out of decency to others)!

2) How do I unload these tickets and bear the guilt trips of friends?
They already expect me to go and it's hard to deflate people's expectations. Now I have to prepare myself for the comments about me being cheap and a flake, which always suck. They'll probably partially blame my GF... that approach gives dudes the freedom to call another dude a pussy. I helped write the book on this technique, DAMN YOU COME-UP-INS!
Plus, and most importantly, I have to come to terms with the fact that as I am grandfathered into the cool liberalisms due to my origins in San Fran...
I must now realize I'm a middle-class cheapo that looks forward to reality TV (even though I tell all my friends it's beneath me),
only smokes weed when others give it to me (too expensive of a habit for my cheap ass),
and sends in a mail-in ballot every year, cause I don't want to be bothered in lines surrounded by the proletariat (plus I don't even think I fill the ballot out right half the time so my vote probably doesn't even count).
All this would make me have to hand in my Bay Area Card, AND PEOPLE THINK I'M A PLATINUM MEMBER!!! That just can't happen.

3) Don't you hate when people tell you to go into something with no expectations?
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!? If I had no/low expectations why the fuck would I even waste my time! And this kinda malarkey always comes after a guy verbally spews a wad of hyperbole in your ear pertaining to THE BEST______, THE MOST AMAZING______, or _________WAS FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE, but go in with no expectation! FUCK YOU! As my girlfriend would say," for $300 this shit better lick my pussy and shoot me to the moon!" More eloquent pros were never crafted.

So my question to you... my question to myself... SHOULD I GET OUT NOW AND CUT MY $500 LOSSES or KEEP SHOVELING DOUGH INTO IT AND HOPE FOR THE BEST?